An unexpected turn...but GREAT news!

This post is extremely hard for me to put into words. Our path has drastically changed but we are ever so gratelful for this miraculous opportunity. As of June our profile was going to be taken out of the Domestic program profiles as our year was up and we were not going to update it. We have been focused on the Ethiopian program; we have done extensive research on the culture and it's people and have really fallen in love with it. We could not wait to have a child to call our own from there. We have met some wonderful families who have gone through or are going through the process. We have had quite the experience and have made some great relationships because of it.

On May 5 I received a phone call from our social worker stating that a woman who was expecting had chosen our profile as well as two others that she was interested in possibly meeting to parent her child. Angie (our social worker) told us that normally she wouldn't place a call like this to prospective adoptive parents unless she knew for certain that a match meeting was wanted from the birth mother but Angie knew our plans to pull out of the Domestic program and we were so focused on Ethiopia. This birthmother was to call back in a week and let them know if she did indeed want a match meeting. Angie said that there were a lot of factors that could possibly happen so it wasn't probable that a match meeting would be asked of us but in the event it was she wanted us to have the next week to think about it and wrap our fingers around the idea. She called back two hours later and asked if we had enough time to think about it because the birthmother requested a match meeting with US! We were dumbfounded. There were alot of things we needed to consider in a very short period of time but we decided to have the match meeting. To make a very long story short...we finally had our match meeting Wednesday May 27 and on Friday May 29 we got a phone call from her birth counselor saying that she really liked us and would like for us to be the parents of her baby!

It's a girl...and she is due August 15! I would like to share more news about this miracle but will wait to do so in another post. For now we just wanted to share our soon-to-be new arrival!

And Ethiopia is not out of the picture...just "on hold".

We couldn't be more excited!

The haircut

Kole has never NOT had long hair. He had his first haircut well after he turned one. It was not that he caused a fuss whenever we had it cut, he was very well behaved during them and it was quite easy... we were just used to his long shaggy "do" and he seemed to like it too. We just decided to try something different; at first he was a bit apprehensive and wanted nothing to do with cutting it all off. But once I told him he would look like his Dad AND look so much older...he was all for it. It is quite the difference. In fact, we were at the park yesterday and one of his classmates happened to be there. They were playing together for a good fifteen minutes when he looked at Kole and asked him "what is your name?" He didn't even recognize him! Kole got his hair cut after class on Tuesday so he hadn't seen it yet. It was quite funny.

Before....

After....

Sure is not our "baby" anymore. He looks all grown up...our handsome young man now. Where does time go?

God's love

Today we went to the gravel pit in search of rocks; one of Dan's great hobbies that he has gotten Kole quite interested in. Dan looks for agates and Kole searches for quartz. We fill around the trees at home his "cort" (as he calls it)...we use it where most people would use mulch. Anyway, today as we were leaving Dan said that he found something that God intended for him to find and he couldn't wait to get home to show it to us. This is what it was...isn't it perfect?

143,000,000 Orphans

"33" for Dan!

Yesterday was Dan's 33rd Birthday. Here's a few pictures of Kole making him a cake. He was so proud! He was looking forward to making this for weeks!

MMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmm so good!

The final masterpiece!

Enjoy Dad! We love you!

Longer wait to be expected :(

This weekend we received the CHSFS Ethiopia Newsletter for March, the same as we do every month. I read it in great disappointment, sadness, anxiousness, frustration, you name it...I felt it...knowing our wait time may even be longer. This wait is getting so hard. When we started the process we were told that the wait time was about 6-9 months with the court date and then travel to follow within three months after that. We anticipated being home with our new baby by late summer at least. If we are lucky now we will just have our referral at that time.
"One factor that may influence referral times is the number of families that submit a complete dossier at the same time. In July through October 2008, for instance, an unusually high number of families submitted dossiers and were added to the official wait list. As a result, we anticipate that families that submitted their dossiers after July 1, 2008 will wait longer for a referral, possibly 14-16 months."
We submitted our dossier on July 31, 2008. There is the (more than likely) possibility that we will be waiting......

I am so grateful that we have our precious Kole. I am able to focus my energy on him and occupy my time keeping up with him. I enjoy my moments with him immensely. I cannot imagine how those that don't have other children are handling this wait. I am so thankful.
What a jumble of emotions. Lord grant us and all those going through this adoption process patience. I do not want to be a bitter and impatient person. We must remind ourselves that this is all a part of God's plan so we will continue to wait...

.........................................and be goofy in the meantime and enjoy it!

Everything happens for a reason....

One Sunday morning last summer I went for a walk with a friend down to the local coffee shop. We ordered our drinks and I looked at the gal making our coffee and hesitantly said "Sue?". I had met a Sue at a stroke support group a while back and she sure looked like that Sue. She said "Yes?" I knew right away after mentioning the support group and her confusion it was not the same Sue. I found out that her name is actually Susie and she has adopted two girls from China through Childrens Home like us, had the same social worker, Angie, and is our neighbor! On top of this she has met my brother-in-law (who lives in Alaska with his girlfriend) and knows some of the same people from there that she does. How crazy is that? AND she knew another family from Buffalo who at the time was in the process of adopting two boys from Ethiopia! All because of thinking she was a different "Sue". I have since been in contact with this other family, the Wistrom's. I met with with Karen Wistrom while they were still waiting for the the court process to be complete and saw pictures of their adorable little boys. I am happy to say that they are finally now home with them and adjusting very well. They had a long journey and I was able to follow it through Karen's blog. We all had the priviledge of meeting this beautiful family a few weeks ago. The Wistrom's have been a wealth of information and it has been amazing to hear their stories of travel and the experiences they have gone through in their journey. If you have time, go back to November in her blog and read about when they travelled. Her writing is beautiful and gives you a sense of actually being there. Seeing and meeting them made us feel like "this is actually a reality" and there is an end to this journey...it really does happen! We cannot wait for this "wait" to be over and for our child to be home with us.

And just a little side note....before we went to visit the Wistrom's we told Kole where we were going. We said that the boys were also from Ethiopia and we were going to hear about their experience while they were in Addis Ababa. He was so excited and his face just LIT UP. He loudly and proudly exclaimed "THAT IS WHERE MY NEW BABY SISTER OR BROTHER IS GOING TO BE FROM!!!"

Relief

So we don't have a "psycho" dog. And that is exactly what the so-called trainer made us feel like last week. Today we had a woman whom the Boston Terrier Club of MN recommended we contact come out. Her name is Denise Nord and she owns a company called Canine Connection. She just so happens to have parents that live in Buffalo and was going to be out today anyway so offered to stop by. She saw how we interacted with him and gave us some training tips. Believe it or not he was extremely well behaved with her and let her put his leash on him. He was obedient and followed her commands... as well as a puppy learning does anyway. He was eager to learn with the reward of a treat. I think with patience and persistence he will be just fine with our family. We are having another animal behaviorist come to our house that Dan's step-dad has spoken with. From looking at his website and reviewing the information that he gave us we agree that with his help Zuma's "unnacceptable behaviors" can be corrected. He has proven to us that he "trainable"...unlike what the trainer last week told us! She had me up for nights not able to sleep! There is hope! (And we DO NOT appreciate the quick to judge decision that was made by them either so Leader of the Pack training facility in Buffalo is on our business list of "never refer to friends"...so hope it will be on yours too. I hope their false assumptions have never been made to others and their advice taken without further investigation.)

Anyway...on another note. We were at the gas station today and as we were pumping gas we ran into an old co-worker of Dan's. While he was in paying, I was talking to her. I was telling her about how we were adopting and from the backseat Kole said "Yeah...we are adopting my baby sister!" A girl perhaps................... ??????????? he seems to think so.

Today we went to the Science Museum with Kole for the first time. He had a blast. Our little "engineer" was at work. He loved playing with all the gadgets and figuring out how things worked. You could just see in his expressions that he was really thinking about things and was amazed. He loved exploring. One of the neatest exhibits was the "Goosebumps" portion. It dealt with alot of peoples "fears". Fear of falling, fear of loud noises, fear of animals etc... There was a station where they strapped you in upright and then the board you were on fell backward...and fast. Kole didn't want to try that one...and neither did we. There was also different holes in which you were to put your hands into...there were various animals in each...but you couldn't see them. One had tarantulas, one had SNAKES, another had other creepy slimy things...I could not bring myself to do it even though I knew it wasn't real. Kole and Dan both did and thought it was pretty neat. Another station had a camera and mirror. You were to stare into and try to keep a straight face...it was silent, silent, silent....and then all of a sudden there was a BOOM and loud noise. Kole screamed and couldn't keep the straight face. Then he laughed and was on to the next thing. He was so intrigued by it all...he loved the "hands on" aspect of everything.

Today was a great distraction to what had been a difficult weekend. Thoughts have been consuming us. Yesterday we brought our new puppy Zuma to puppy training for the first time. We were at wits end and knew he really needed it. For the last month or so he has been rather aggressive when it came to putting on his leash. He would snarl and bite as he backed up into the corner. When I had him into the vet for routine vaccinations a couple weeks ago he wouldn't even let the vet look at his ears, get close, or do anything. She ended up having to throw a towel over his head just to give him his shots. The last week though I have really been working hard at getting him to trust me to put on the leash...he actually has let me now. He shakes a little bit...but he lets me and I thought we were making progress. Yesterday however, the "behavior specialist" there told us otherwise. In watching him for less than 30 minutes she came to the conclusion that he had something mentally wrong with him and something in his "wiring" must be incorrect. She said we should call the Boston Terrier Rescue of MN and see if they will take him and if not we should bring him to the vet and have him euthanized. I was and am completely heartbroken over this. At the beginning of class, he was off leash and ran around and played very well with the other puppies. On leash he did not obey me, did not walk on his leash very well, and did not "sit". BUT this was his first time. This did not matter to me. This was a new environment for him and he was so excited by everything that was going on around him. The "behavior specialist" then tried to walk with him and he threw a fit, nipping at her and going ballistic. I know that she is the professional and I really appreciate her opinion. However I do not see how after that short of a time a decision like that can be made. He has never bitten Kole like that. He has however played aggressively with him but we always thought that he was playing "defensively". Kole is a very high energy boy. I have caught Kole doing his "karate moves" on him, boxing etc....he has not intentionally hurt him however he doesn't quite get that Zuma is so small compared to him. Kole cannot be doing this, we know. But Zuma cannot react by biting. We do not know what we should do. I do have phone calls in to the MN Boston Terrier Club and another training organization. This place does in home evaluations and training. I feel that we cannot go on this one opinion alone, especially being it was based on such a short time with him. Kole has already had to deal with so much in his 4 1/2 years with us. On top of having to deal with my stroke and his uncle's accident, he also lost his previous dog "Guinness" in September of last year due to a brain tumor. He speaks of Guinness in heaven often and talks about how much he misses him. I just don't want for him to have to deal with another loss. Please pray for the right decision to be made. "Just a dog" to some, but for us he means so much more.

In July of last year we got a phone call from our social worker, Angie, who said that she was also working with another family from Buffalo who was in the Ethiopia program, the Rosh's. She asked if it was okay to share our contact information...of course it was!!! We have been very blessed to meet them. It turns out that they live not even a mile from us and are adopting an infant of either gender...just like us. They are about three months behind us in "the process"...but our children will be about the same age. We are so fortunate to have them with us to go through the journey together. Our children will be so fortunate to have someone with the same culture and background to relate to. We are so blessed! And if we are lucky enough we will be able to see and meet their new baby when we are in Ethiopia to bring ours home. They should have their referral at least by then and we will be able to take lots of pictures, snuggle and love on theirs for them being they may not have gone through the court process yet. Maybe...just maybe......

Dan and I had the opportunity to share some Ethiopian cuisine with them. We went to the Blue Nile in Minneapolis. It was wonderful. We did not know what to expect being we had never had anything like it before but were pleasantly surprised! It is served on a large platter that is set in the center of the table so everyone eats off the same plate. No utensils are involved. Instead, a warm towel is brought out to each individual to wash their hands and then are given "injera" or Ethiopian flatbread (it looks like a big crepe or a flat pancake) . A piece of the injera is broken off and then used to scoop up portions off the main platter. The choices were various dishes made from chicken, beef or lamb. Also several vegetarian selections are offered. It is not that appealing at first, the appearance of some of the choices were ones that reminded me of refried beans (yuck!) BUT the the different peppers and spices they used were amazing and quite flavorful. It was very good and I cannot wait to have it again!

"The process"...

This past year was a complete whirlwind. On March 17, 2008 we registered with Children's Home Society & Family Services, located in St. Paul. (I thought it was April but after looking at our records it was March.) We were unfamiliar with agencies in the area but after seeking information out with others that have been through the process we made the decision to work with Children's Home (CHSFS). We finished our application and sent it to them April 1. On April 17th and 18th we attended Preadoptive Counseling (PAC) group sessions. They were very in-depth and covered topics such as grief and loss, adoption from the perspective of all persons involved...birthparents, grandparents, siblings, adoptive parents, etc..., and also program specific information...each individual country that CHSFS works with, there were Q & A with adoptive parents, adopted kids, birthmothers, social workers... We were also sent home with "Self Study" questions that we each had to complete prior to our "adoption study interviews". These questions were everything from our own childhood...our relationship with our mothers, fathers, siblings...how we were raised, discipline...memories we were fond of, memories we were not, our transistion from adolescence to adulthood, our relationship with each other, how we raise Kole etc...etc... it was very thorough to say the least! On May 21 we had our interviews in the office of CHSFS and then on June 12 we had our homestudy done where our social worker, Angie, came to our home. Kole gave her a tour of our house and then we talked for close to four hours. (Thank goodness that after the "tour" and a short talk with Kole he was picked up by Grandpa. Could you imagine a 3 year old sitting for that long?!) After the homestudy it was time to get our dossier prepared and our profiles put together.

The dossier contained numerous documents:

Family profile, letter to the Embassy, letter to the Womens Ministry of Affairs, photos, home study report, powers of attorney, birth certificates, marriage certificate, letters of recommendation, letters from the police stating that we weren't criminals, letters from the bank saying that we were in good standing, medical certificates, employers letters, income tax statements...and I'm sure there was more, I just can't remember it all right now...I was just so relieved to finally have it all done! And of course every document had to be notarized too.

We are also listed domestically, which means our profile is in the "big book". This means that a birthmother who is thinking of making an adoption plan who comes into the office at CHSFS can see our profile and choose for us to have a "match meeting". This however has been extremely slow. The chances of this happening before our referral to Ethiopia is extremely thin. During our dossier preparation we did make our profile however. It is basically two pages (front and back) that we were able to attach pictures and a "letter to the Birthparent" describing us and why we should be the ones to parent their child. It was almost impossible to portray our lives in such little space! We did the best we could and put it in Gods hands. In the year 2008, 136 potential birthmothers came in for counseling but only 24 placements were made. The remaining decided to either parent the child or abort. There are currently over 90 couples in "the book" hoping to adopt.

On July 29 (Dan) and on July 30 (myself) had to go to USCIS in St. Paul for fingerprinting. Why our appointments weren't scheduled on the same day we do not know! On July 31, our dossier was officially "in country". We were told then that there was a 7-9 month wait for our referral. This means a child will be referred to us...we will receive their picture and what health history they have. We specified 0-12 months however we did not specify boy or girl. We will then be able to have the records looked over by a doctor here and either accept the referral or not. (Like our hearts could or would possibly deny at that point!!!) Once we accept the referral, our paperwork is submitted to the Ethiopian court. Court order is issued and a birth certificate is issued. We file for a visa approval. Our child is also issued a visa and ready to travel. This court process, once we receive the referral, takes an additional three months. Once this happens and it is final we will travel to pick up our child. However, we are now being told it will be closer to 12 months until we get the referral. We are hoping that timeframes speed up but are being told that adoption in general, regardless of the country, is hard right now. At this point, everything is out of our control. We have done what we need to get done, and wait. Patiently.

If we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.Romans 8:25

A little about us.........

We are the Bruchmann's....Dan, Karla and Kole (4 1/2). In July of 2006 I (Karla) survived a massive stroke that made us all grateful for what we have and a new perspective on life, our family... and what we are here for on this Earth. I know there are many people who probably wonder if because of it, we are not able to have children. Yes...we can. And we are. We have realized what "family" really means...and we do have a great one! We cannot wait to share our love with a new son or daughter. We have always wanted to add to our family and are so grateful and fortunate to do so. We actually started "the process" in April of last year and finished our paperwork with the dossier going to Ethiopia on July 31. I will update again soon with the details of what we have done thus far and what that all means....but as of right now...the "waiting game" is on and we are anxiously anticipating our referral!

And of course we can't forget our 3 1/2 month old Boston Terrier "Zuma"...........